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Alexandra Legouix: Confessions from the Mat

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If you’ve ever had any of the below thoughts during yoga then you’re not alone, says Alexandra Legouix…

9.50am: Its GREEN! The light is green Madam Peugeot driver… Go, go, go damn you! I am so late! Ok… moving… I will make it… I can be five minutes late at a push and they’ll still let me in if I’m quiet I’m sure…

10.02am: Morning! Sorry, sorry, is it ok? I promise I’ll sneak in quietly. Thank you, thank you!

10.04am: Hmm, okay, I want to be near the mirror… I wonder if I can squeeze in there… No I won’t go there, she’s too good… Ok there is good… Ok let’s do this… Sorry, sorry… Quick, relax… Oh god they are already moving…

10.22am: Oh come on body, wakey, wakey. Why are you so stiff today?! Grrr…

10.30am: OK, this is good. A few sun salutations down and I am on a roll. I’m floooowing, my energy is up, I feel good… I’m actually quite good at this yoga malarkey… yeah, look at me… And I don’t look too porky either.

10.35am: Holy crap. Why can’t I balance? What is wrong with me?! Jeez, I am wobbling so much more than everyone else. Look how good everyone else looks!

10.42am: You’re not breathing. C’mon ujjayi breath, work your magic…

10.50am: Oh, I feel good. This feels goooooood. Yes, yes, yes. Grrr. Flying. Woop. Gosh, I love yoga.

10.53am: I love this pose…

10.54am: I hate this pose…

10.55am: I have definitely put weight on… Yep… they are new love handles… maybe I can tuck my top in a bit… Not sure about this top actually… Damn, how is it possible to sweat this much…

11.02am: ‘Mula Bandha?’ Which one is that one again?

11.06am: Oh god. I am so rubbish today. I wish I had done more yoga in January. Why didn’t I do more yoga? I swear I wouldn’t be so bad if I had just done more.

11.09am: Stop thinking. Breathe, breathe… Focus on your breath…

11.12am: Wild thing. Yes, I agree Lynette. Such a good teacher you are. I am ‘embracing my wild thing’. Damn, I am on fire today. Go me… This year is going to be a good year. Things are going to change…
I can really feel it…

11.15am: What. Is. That? My back. Ouch. No, please don’t go… Stay with me, body… We can do this… Breathe, breathe… 11.15… Already? Ok, almost at the end. Awesome… Lying down time soon… God, I really am ready to lie down…

11.18am: Another THREE vinyasas??? Jeez…

11.21am: Ok I am actually dying…

11.22am: Please can we lie down now?

11.23: SWEAT… I actually can’t see…

11.26am: Aaaaand lie down… yes, yes, yes… quick, relax…

11.27am: Relax… your body… breathe… Relax… Do that ‘sinking through the floor thing’…

11.32am: Huh? What? What’s that? Oh! Yes, sorry, namaste! Gosh, I was in such a deep sleep! Ok, c’mon. Up we get…. Ah yes, heaven. First yoga of 2019. I feel good. Ah well done body… Gosh I feel proud of doing that… That felt gooood… well done me… ok I am definitely going every day… This is my year… 2019, I got this… Boom.

Namaste yogi pals

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