The ultimate list of fitness fails to avoid at the gym

It is safe to assume anyone reading this magazine has stepped into a gym environment. It is also safe to assume there will have been some behaviours that will have irritated you… let me name and shame!

The perve

Boys, girls don’t come to the gym to be hit on. That’s what Tinder’s for. And whatever you do, don’t use the gym mirror to ogle; you’d get banged up for that behaviour anywhere else!

The attention seeker

You know this isn’t a nightclub, right? People have come here to participate in some hard graft. Are those lashes or styled barnets really necessary to allow you to walk on a small incline and break your neck when checking to see if anyone is drooling over you?

The time-waster

Every second your phone is in your hand you are wasting precious training time. I’ve seen bigger legs hanging out of a nest, yet you still insist on calling your mates, texting them or taking pictures of yourself to show your 13 Instagram followers that you went to the gym and achieved nothing. Do some exercise!

The screamer

Nobody cares how little weight you lift, how poor your technique is, or how close your mate’s crotch gets to your back when he spots you, or from what height you can drop your weights. Shhhhh!

The reflection

Mirrors aren’t for checking technique (999 out of 1,000 people don’t have the first clue what techniques they are supposed to be doing – let alone how to correct them); straining to check yourself in the mirror is making your technique worse than it already was! They’re also NOT for checking if your six-pack has appeared… because you did a set of crunches!

The expert

Soooo, you read a magazine and now you are a cross between Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jose Mourinho and Jamie Oliver? As a general rule, if you walk into any gym anywhere in the world and do the OPPOSITE to what ‘some bloke’ told you to do then you will be far closer to doing things correctly, even if he does have a first class idiots degree from the University of YouTube.

The nutritionist

Your name please?
Joe Bloggs.

Your occupation?
Administration assistant for a mortgage company.

And your specialist chosen subject is?
Knowing everything there is to know about anything
to do with nutrition and supplementation!

Please don’t be this guy.

This is also the type of vegan person who is a vegan, and cannot speak without talking about veganology. All the while ensuring that you don’t forget they are vegan. Lastly, there’s protein shaker guy, with said vestibule glued to their hand. Hold out your hand and grip an imaginary protein shaker right now. Now shake the imaginary shaker up and down, violently. That is exactly what you look like when doing this in the gym for real. Not good! The gym is a place to become fitter, healthier and stronger than you were before. Please ensure that your behaviour falls in line with this and doesn’t prevent those of us who wish to use the gym as it was intended. Rant over, for now!

@MARKLAWS2011